The Box
by Dancing Mask
Summary: Crack oneshot, my dedication to the humble box. Started life as a bet, and turned out funnier than usual. Have fun reading


Disclaimer: I don't own Metal Gear Solid, Snake, or any other trademarked things.

~The Box~

* * *

This box was marvellous. Perfectly symmetrical, with flawless edges. Not a single tear or rip affected its cardboard surface, nor a blemish or stain. The cardboard itself was thick and sturdy and had two layers, allowing increased weight capacity. The surface was smooth baby, and I mean _smooth_. If one were to rub the side of the box against their face, it would feel almost like a tissue, the effect of repeated sandpapering perhaps.

It was wider than it was long as it was rectangular in shape. This allowed a grown man to crouch inside it without too much trouble, if they decided to do so. The box could feasibly hold two people, although they would be hugging to fit in there (which may have been intentional). The actual dimensions of the box placed it at roughly a metre tall, close-to two metres long and almost a metre wide. Similar to the size of a small single bed, on the large scale for a box though. And what a box it was…

The colour and appearance of the box was also particularly outstanding. A plain, uniform brown, so as not to stand out too much from other boxes, the engineer of this fine carton had nevertheless managed to make that brown special. The box seemed to shine from the light that touched it, almost with a glossy aftertaste compared to cardboard normally, and the brown was just that little bit warmer than the average box colour. It seemed to invite someone to step inside, almost like a new car's finish, but cosier. The actual design was modern and minimalist, featuring one barcode on the back and a ten inch logo imprinted on the front. This logo was a silhouette of a fox clutching a dagger in its mouth, with a small, embellished, title underneath, specifying the word FOXHOUND. Said design was placed boldly in the exact centre of the beautiful box, proudly announcing its origins to the world.

Snake lifted the box, unable to wait any longer, as he inspected it further. The weight was perfect, solid enough to absorb impacts and carry weight, but light enough to slide across the floor, or even carry in an emergency. He placed it down, marvelling as it slid along the tiles without hesitation, silently. Despite the lack of any grooves or tracks to aid it, the box seemed to want to move. He checked it again, noticing the small indents where handles could be punched out, placed on the smaller two sides of the rectangle. However, the handles had not been punched open yet, and he decided not to, preserving the purity of the pristine cardboard wonder.

Unable to contain himself, Snake slid in, inspecting the insides with wonder. He felt goose bumps as the box was closed, allowing him to have some privacy. He crawled forward, the box moving with him with minimal resistance. He spoke loudly inside, noting with pleasure the soundproofing alerted not a single soul to his cries.

He continued forward, leaving the R & D department for the shooting range. He crept along, stopping the moment someone noticed him, sitting along the actual target lines. Bullets sprayed into the side, barely making it millimetres into the surface, before being stopped by the superior bullet-proofing. He laughed to himself, as the man who had just fired the armour-piercing rounds frowned, and went back to complain. This box was the best!

He continued out of the shooting range, climbing the stairs inside with surprising ease as he reached the outside air. The sunlight should have heated the inside of the box, but fortunately the insulation kept him nice and cool. Snake shuffled over to a nearby river, the corner of the box dangling over the water as he drank. The more obvious answer to his thirst would have been to get out of the box, grabbing a drink from a vending machine or the like, but he couldn't bear to leave this glorious box. He was so enraptured, he didn't notice yet another feature- the water had no effect on the box, despite cardboard normally eroding when wet.

It even had free wi-fi! He shuffled back, perfectly content to live in this box forever. And so he did.

* * *

A/N: Ahh, so much fun to write. This one actually started as a bet, where a friend complained about how hard it was to describe things. I claimed I could describe a box for two pages without repeating things, and here it is. I failed, obviously, but the Snake references crept in almost straight away, and it turned out pretty funny.

Criticism or reviews are welcome~


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